I don’t know how to complain.

Let’s start silly. As I said, I don’t use Backloggery the way it’s supposed to be used. You are supposed to put games you want to finish. But I put already finished games there.

I described my @bmo account as a rubber duck. You should explain the problem you have with it. But I put solutions there.

And I can justify both of those things. Well, sort of: I don’t want to promote, even in this small way, games I don’t know enough about. And I want to be useful.

But it goes way, way beyond that. You see, I’m disabled. I have a pension and everything. But I never talk about it. Why not? Internalized ableism? Patriarchy? Self-esteem issues? All of the above? Probably all of the above.

I have no opinion about “disabled person” vs. “person with a disability”. You can call me both.

It even goes to ridiculous places. I care about ableist language regardless of the fact that I’m disabled. I care about racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, etc. languages without being a member of any of the groups affected by those. But I fear that my contribution would be less if I presented myself as disabled. “Of course you care about yourself!” Ridiculous, as I said.

I even justify writing this not as something about myself, but because it is still very important to raise awareness. Which is true.

At the end of the day, I don’t think I would ever feel comfortable complaining about everything about or around me. I would never call myself a survivor. But at least I would try to pick one or two things and be more open about it.